coming to an understanding…….

I have slept and still I ruminate so I need to blog. I sit with my tea this morning and think back to my experiences this past weekend at work and how they have left me empty in so many ways. It is not a new feeling, but it surfaces from time to time and we all feel it. It eats at us for a few days and then we accept it and move on because we know that nothing will be different except in how we deal or reckon with it.

I won't get into detail except to say that the conditions that we all worked under this weekend were ones that stretched our abilities to the maximum. What we are expected to deliver as a health care professionals under normal circumstances, we were not capable of over the past several days.
The frustration set in early on Friday and I recall standing in front of a co-worker and my eyes filling with tears while I said "I know I'm not doing a good job today as a nurse". And it barely got much better over the next two days.

We all have standards that are both professional and personal regarding our careers and mine personally mean a lot to me. It's what lends me to be the nurse that I have become over the past 36 years. I'm not naive to know that there will be days that are more difficult than others and circumstances that will challenge us. We are trained to deal with all of that and yet this past weekend we found ourselves in situations that took us even further.

My biggest let down is the lack of support that I felt from my own organization. Nothing that filtered down to me the nurse on the front line. For me this could have gone a long way in letting me know that they knew just how hard we were pushing to keep things going so that our patients were being looked after. But I wasn't allowed that privilege even once.

As I thought about all of this after a well deserved rest I was led back to a book that I read so many years ago. A book that I have bought at least 4 times and keep giving it away to someone who might need it more than me. A book that has been so much on my mind lately that when I ordered a Christmas gift online I tucked this little book into the order with it. The book is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The basis of this little book is simple. There are four agreements that we can use in our lives to help us to navigate through life in a more understanding fashion. They are as follows :

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

Three of the four, and maybe even all four apply following my weekend of work.

There is a part of me that wanted to be less than impeccable and scream at someone about all of this and yet I know quite well that my efforts would have been less than well received and there are times that I believe proper delivery of word is key to getting your point across. Sometimes even less words have more of an impact than too many.

There is a tendency to 'take this personally' and this is often the tough one to let go of. I have to remember that decisions made at a level above me are not directed at me 'personally' and not even as a collective group, but rather are made from a completely different perspective. One that I may not feel is right, but then remembering that I have no control over that.

I had the silly 'assumption' that when we were working under such extreme conditions that it would have been nice for someone to have come along and showed or expressed just how much our efforts meant. Once again I only need to re-read # 3. "Don't make assumptions" because in assuming I will inevitably be let down…… and I was. So feeling let down is my own fault.

Now # 4 is the biggie! Always do your best even when its under difficult conditions. This can be a challenge because a person really has to focus on what is happening in the moment of delivering patient care and forget about how frustrated you might be. Just do the task at hand and do it well. It is with this understanding that I do my best that I am able to leave each shift and go home knowing that I did the best that I could given the circumstances that I worked under.

So maybe this all happened so that I will sit down again with this little book and read it once more. These four simple agreements are good mantras to keep in mind on this journey that we call Life.

May your day be filled with love & light.

Maggie

my tea party…...

I've done it for years. It is my normal routine to get up for work early enough that I can do it, and even if I am not working I take the time for it ……. a tea party that is. A tea party for myself to begin my day. I love the quiet solitude of early morning and for me it lends itself to beginning my day in balance
which then in turn sets me up to have a good day. Now, it doesn't always follow through that way but I at least begin each day the same. I'm never rushed since I get myself up early enough to allow for it and all the other things that need to happen on a work day especially. Some people would rather sleep, while I would rather have this time to myself. I know some of my friends or co-workers think I am a bit crazy to do that but it's important for me to have this time and it starts my day off perfectly. As much as I am physically alone I most often will be reading so in fact there is usually someone invited to my tea party. Any number of authors have sat in on my tea parties and over the years I have learned much and shared in many stories. I love to read but my days leave little time to share in that so early morning is my 'reading time'. Books are a passion for me and to have a book in my hands is a wonderful thing. I don't think that I would ever own a Kindle or reading apparatus such as that because the tactile experience of having a book in my hands is not something that I would want to give up. Ok, I admit I have a kindle app on my phone which I thought might be a distraction while waiting for an appointment or such, but I usually forget that it's there and end up reading something interesting in a magazine instead. Maybe I was a writer in a former life as I love the ability to put words to paper and create something that someone else would enjoy. Words can be such a powerful thing. I read a lot of non-fiction and this feeds my constant desire to learn but I try to squeeze in a bit of fiction from time to time to allow myself to escape and be entertained also.

I remember in my younger years as a mom that I would get  up early and have my then coffee party (I don't drink coffee anymore) before any of the children awoke so that I could have some time to myself before the busy days of motherhood took over. I also treasure the memories I have of the tea parties that I had when I owned my bookshop and I would sit in my cosy chair in the shop and be amongst all those books! It was heaven for me! I could walk up to any shelf and pull a book and open up to any page and read. Sometimes I would take my tea party on the road and find a coffee shop where the atmosphere was of good energy and I would take my book there and sip on my tea. Most of my tea parties are now in my home which is my special place on Mother Earth.

Invited to my tea parties lately has been author Carolyn Myss as I am re-reading her book The Creation of Health that is also co-authored with Norman Shealy. Two amazing people that bring so much knowledge to the world of health and wellness. But I may have to share in my morning authors as I have a book waiting at the library for me by Jenna Woginrich called One Woman Farm which chronicles her transition from city cubicle to rural homesteading. Should be a great read!

My tea parties always have a special mug or tea pot which have changed over the years. I recently acquired a special set, on sale of course, and I'm sure it will be with me for years to come. It's tea party perfect!

 I think I will always make time for a tea party in my life. It's just that special to me. I hope you find the time to spend a few quiet moments for yourself before you begin your day. Namaste…….. Maggie 

childhood soup….

It's a funny thing because there is little that I remember from my childhood for various reasons that would relate to a completely different blog post, but one thing I do remember is my mother making us homemade tomato soup that was absolutely delicious! As a matter of fact until I was an adult I never tasted a tomato soup other than this one. When I made this soup for my first husband he quickly said "this doesn't taste like tomato soup at all", because he was used to Campbells soup! I remember being so disappointed at the time but I understood what he meant. It dropped of our menu sadly. As a child we rarely had soup out of a can and I can truly say that I was raised on amazing soups! I was never given the recipe on paper and only learned from watching her make it time after time.

I made it just the other day for our dinner and served it simply with a baguette and some cheese and it was wonderful! All you need are flour, butter, tomato juice, water, a little salt and pepper and this time I added some cream and you will have the most delicious soup ever. I am lucky enough to have my own canned tomatoes which brings the summer flavour home in the cold winter months. I also this time used a few sage leaves that I dried from the garden to sauté in the butter and then added them again while it simmered at the end and the flavour was delicately tinged with the sage and yet did not overpower the tomato. The cream added at the end made it perfect! I wish I could give you the ingredient portions but that is not to be. It is only in my head and depends on how much tomato juice you have. 

I wish you could share in a bowl with me as it's also made with 'Love'……

I hope your day is filled with wonderful flavours and that they might be reminiscent of a time gone by.

Maggie xoxo