I found that over the months of 2014 I was an off and on again blogger for reasons that weren't entirely clear even to myself. I do know that over the last few months of the year I was simply ok with not blogging and had even thought of quietly closing the blog. I chuckle inside with that because I'm not sure anyone would have noticed that. My blog is truly only a place where I write what may be on my mind and if it is something that is of interest to anyone else then that is ok too. But I do like to write and put words together to create a thought. I don't look for followers and don't expect any. It's just all ok with me.
During the last quarter of the year I seemed to have a quiet place inside of me that simply didn't want to speak through the blog. I have checked in on other blogs from time to time and found that they are also empty of words and life for the blogger is at that time no longer through the keyboard. And that is all ok.
Looking back now as I exist one week into the new year, I feel that 2014 was a year of settling in to life as it now surrounds me. For me that involves my relationship of 2 years and finding the rhythm that works for the two of us. Relationships are multi-faceted and layers deep because any two people that comprise the relationship are similarly vast. This can create difficulties often but finding an ebb and flow of understanding is the path that will find the least resistance. It seems that we have become these intense creatures who want so strongly to remain an individual that there is a subliminal fear of becoming less of who you are if you relent in a relationship to the other individual. It's just not so though. It was a dance for myself that found it's cadence in 2014. It has in turn also made me a better person I feel because I can now exist inside of the relationship and not feel vulnerable by compromising any part of who I am. I have a history of leaving a part of myself behind and becoming someone else or maybe call it 'half of who I really was'. But now it feels as though I have 'come of age'…..and I smile as I write that because a part of me then is also saying ….. 'finally'. And I can honestly share that I have felt this before, but something feels new this time. It feels real. It feels right. And it has come from a depth inside of me that has an awareness. That wise place that comes with age. That wise place that comes from appreciated experience. There will always be that mental ebb and flow, but the return to that wise place lies in one's power to eventuate in a more rapid fashion allowing a fuller life to exist in each moment.
Settling into life for me hopefully means that the flux has found it's conclusion, but I also know that nothing is forever carved in stone and challenges will present themselves but inner wisdom will prevail if given the chance. Knowing is a more comfortable process in life rather than it feeling open-ended. When we look deep inside of ourselves we often know exactly what our answer is, but we often do not want to acknowledge the answer. It's ok, it's all a growing process and a coming of age. Everyone comes to it at a different pace. Life is like that. And when it arrives you will feel that long deep sigh that acknowledges your arrival.
Live your life well. Life will give you what you bring to it. Access your inner wisdom and create the life you desire. Seek and you will find. Listen and you will hear.
I wish you all the best.
In love and light,
Maggie
