I am in the midst of change in my work world. This is not something new for any of us that put in our 37.5 hours per week and generally speaking we all roll with it. It's inevitable that in the course of our lives professionally we will encounter change and we all know the mantra of 'change is a good thing'. And, yes I believe that change is a good thing but we need to be very careful with what we change and what the outcomes of that change will be because there will be both positives and negatives with any change.
I am a nurse. I have been a nurse since 1976 and have worked in different settings but my current position is on an acute medical unit and has spanned 23 yrs. I am an RPN and the importance of mentioning that is that all of those 23 years were directly spent at the bedside of my patients providing care. During all of those years I have seen many changes in both healthcare and at my workplace, some of which have been beneficial and others have been not but we endure. The latest change that has been implemented is big, in fact it is the biggest of big that I have seen so far in my career. This initiative involves ten hospitals in my area and will cost $26.1 million to implement over the next 3 years. So I will say it again…..this is big folks!…. and with a cost like that it's not up for discussion at this point and it's not going away.
So herein lies my need to accept change as my work world is no longer resembling what I have know for so many, many years. There have been changes in the past that I have accepted and others that I have been resistive to. Those that I resist generally always directly relate to how it may affect the patient care that I provide. I chose my profession because I have a desire to offer and care for persons who require assistance in a medical setting. I personally have always provided care from a holistic perspective for my patients so that their needs are attended to as a 'whole'. Our wellness triad of 'mind, body, spirit' is not separated into silos, but instead all of the sum of these parts need to work in concert with each other to create the symphony of health that will allow us to live our best life. My understanding of this has been my philosophy of care in all the years that I have stood at the bedside. I have provided the medicines and dressed the wounds, but a large part of nursing is also the psychological and emotional support that we provide. I have witnessed the anxieties, the sadness, the worry, the loss, the disempowerment in the eyes of patients and also in family and/or friends that I cannot simply walk away from and instead offer support and encouragement where and when it is needed.This folks is beginning to change.
In my 38 years I have adapted to change and re-invented myself as a nurse several times. This by far represents the biggest change to date. It is a hospital optimization system that is going from 'paper processes to electronic technology'. I won't get into details except to say that I will be in front of a computer screen most of the day and the pt will be witness to this as I must at times wheel the computer system right to the bedside so that I can administer medications and 'scan' their armband with my laser scanner. As a side note…my exposure to the electromagnetic field of the computer screen has now probably more than doubled or tripled….. but this 'change' is not an issue I'm sure. In reference to arriving with the computer directly to the patient I actually had someone say to me that this technology was going to bring me to the bedside more than previously and she thought this was a 'great thing'! …..oh my. I will add that this person was not a nurse who made that comment ….. interesting.
I feel the nurse part of me slowly dying. The tasks that I am now expected to carry out are now shifting the balance of hands on nursing vs. documentation dramatically. I am really no longer a nurse. I have been morphed by the healthcare system into what I will call an MCT….. a medical computer technician for the most part. If I have a moment of time to provide nursing care then that may be a good day……. for both of us. My heart is sad that the reason why I chose this profession is no longer at the forefront of healthcare. We have come to much of this because of the litigious society that we live in. It's the fear of being sued. It comes from us living in a state of paranoia. We have created this over the years and now this is where we have arrived. I know I will 'catch on' to the processes that I need to know to now do my MCT skills. I might be older, but I can be taught. But I can honestly tell you that I will never 'catch on' to letting go of providing the balance of holistic care that my patients are entitled to and yet those people running the system will tell you that patient care is #1. I have come to understand that 'they' say one thing and mean another. This is infinite wisdom that you will be witness to if you watch and listen closely. I'm always offended when this occurs because 'they' obviously think that I am gullible enough to believe it.
So once again I have to regroup, reinvent and reposition myself in my career or maybe I need to seriously consider retiring and letting someone new and fresh take over for me. Maybe their philosophy is more aligned with this new healthcare paradigm as opposed to the philosophy that was such an integral part of my training so many years ago.
All of this makes me feel sad, defeated and disappointed in our system. There is no advocacy for nurses. We are told what to do and how to do it……end of story. My heart truly feels that I am no longer a nurse. I am being told to be something else and if I want to keep my job I will simply be obedient and follow the rules. I am so thankful that I am on the downside of my career and will be able to retire sooner than later. I can't imagine beginning my career now, but I guess I have to remember that students are taught a different philosophy than I was all those years ago and the need to desensitize will not be necessary for them as much as it is for those of us who came up in a different time.
If I don't have time to hold your hand …. I'm sorry. If I don't have time to sit and listen…. I'm sorry. If I don't have time to wipe your tears ….. I'm sorry….. and to the family member who just lost a loved one….. I'm sorry I may not have the time to spend with you in your moment of loss. This just all breaks my heart and makes me feel an emptiness inside of me where I used to feel pride in my work. I turned to my partner the other night after a day at work and with tears in my eyes said 'I can't be the nurse that I've always been.' I wept quietly as I realized that I had to let go of this part of me.
Blessings to all,
Maggie
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