I won't get into detail except to say that the conditions that we all worked under this weekend were ones that stretched our abilities to the maximum. What we are expected to deliver as a health care professionals under normal circumstances, we were not capable of over the past several days.
The frustration set in early on Friday and I recall standing in front of a co-worker and my eyes filling with tears while I said "I know I'm not doing a good job today as a nurse". And it barely got much better over the next two days.
We all have standards that are both professional and personal regarding our careers and mine personally mean a lot to me. It's what lends me to be the nurse that I have become over the past 36 years. I'm not naive to know that there will be days that are more difficult than others and circumstances that will challenge us. We are trained to deal with all of that and yet this past weekend we found ourselves in situations that took us even further.
My biggest let down is the lack of support that I felt from my own organization. Nothing that filtered down to me the nurse on the front line. For me this could have gone a long way in letting me know that they knew just how hard we were pushing to keep things going so that our patients were being looked after. But I wasn't allowed that privilege even once.
As I thought about all of this after a well deserved rest I was led back to a book that I read so many years ago. A book that I have bought at least 4 times and keep giving it away to someone who might need it more than me. A book that has been so much on my mind lately that when I ordered a Christmas gift online I tucked this little book into the order with it. The book is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The basis of this little book is simple. There are four agreements that we can use in our lives to help us to navigate through life in a more understanding fashion. They are as follows :
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don't take anything personally.
- Don't make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
There is a part of me that wanted to be less than impeccable and scream at someone about all of this and yet I know quite well that my efforts would have been less than well received and there are times that I believe proper delivery of word is key to getting your point across. Sometimes even less words have more of an impact than too many.
There is a tendency to 'take this personally' and this is often the tough one to let go of. I have to remember that decisions made at a level above me are not directed at me 'personally' and not even as a collective group, but rather are made from a completely different perspective. One that I may not feel is right, but then remembering that I have no control over that.
I had the silly 'assumption' that when we were working under such extreme conditions that it would have been nice for someone to have come along and showed or expressed just how much our efforts meant. Once again I only need to re-read # 3. "Don't make assumptions" because in assuming I will inevitably be let down…… and I was. So feeling let down is my own fault.
Now # 4 is the biggie! Always do your best even when its under difficult conditions. This can be a challenge because a person really has to focus on what is happening in the moment of delivering patient care and forget about how frustrated you might be. Just do the task at hand and do it well. It is with this understanding that I do my best that I am able to leave each shift and go home knowing that I did the best that I could given the circumstances that I worked under.
So maybe this all happened so that I will sit down again with this little book and read it once more. These four simple agreements are good mantras to keep in mind on this journey that we call Life.
May your day be filled with love & light.
Maggie
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