calm is better……..

I've been away from my blog for a while and this seems like a good moment to catch up. My last blog focused on what was going on at work and I must say that it has been a significant stressor and a huge change and since I wrote about that extensively last time I am done with that discussion.

A focus that did come out of that change though was how I deal with stress and what it means to deal with it. I felt very overwhelmed with just that particular stressor and came to realize that I needed to channel my energies so that I could have calm rather than anxiety. Having worked for many years in the field of mental health I have done extensive research on stress and know well enough the causes and effects of such and yet understand all too well that we often get so caught up in the eddy that it can create that we can get lost in it all. Some stressors in our lives will not be going away and are not in our control, but others are ones that we maybe can have control of and alter them to make them less stressful.

No one is exempt from the stressors that modern day life brings to our lives. It is everywhere and all around us readying itself to take from us if possible. The key is how we navigate through all of what is presented to us and how we let it effect us. I've had many years of stress from my childhood to single parenting and recognizing that taking on stress is only half of the equation. The other half is all about how we deal with it so that it doesn't take over our lives and render us ill from all of the effects that it can have for mind, body and spirit.

 I have come to know one way that works for me and how this is woven into my life. My home is my sanctuary and safe place in the world and inside of my home I have a special place too. I have my meditation room that is devoted to quiet and peaceful reflection. It may be where I read or maybe I write. I might listen to some quiet music or I might meditate. Our altar is located in this room and I can smudge as well as reflect in prayer. My affirmation and tarot cards are kept in the meditation room and our drums also hang here to be used when we feel like sharing in drumming energy. There is only good energy that exists here in this space that is devoted to peace and calm. It is a sacred place for us.

We all need a place that can afford us the peace and quiet that we deserve after a long day or as I often do, it is a place where I begin my day. Our lives are busy, hectic and overrun with so many demands on our time and energy and knowing that I can either begin my day or come home and enter this space is a relief for me. I know that the world around us will try to take from us constantly and rather than end up in a bankrupt state of mind we can add back by spending time in this special space dedicated to us. Even if you are not able to dedicate a room such as this, then maybe you can create a corner or space in an existing room and make that your 'special' place where you can reenergize yourself from all the demands the world puts on you. We must look after ourselves and it is never too late to start if you haven't already. Blessings to you all………

Maggie

the wise choice......

I blogged yesterday and noted that I had so many things that I wanted to get done. Well, I can truly say that I did accomplish many things and yet it is this morning right now that I am simmering the pear jam on the stove! So as you know the pear jam didn't get done but it was for the right reasons. I had a busy day yesterday with many things on my agenda and did the prep work for the jam throughout the day but by the time I was ready to put all the ingredients in the pot it was 4:30. The 'get it done' part of me pulled the pot out of the cupboard, looked at the clock and sighed deeply knowing that I was in for another couple of hours of work and then my 'wise mind' took over and said..... 'No, it's getting too late in the day to start the canning process now'. Now in the past the 'get it done' part of me would have thought that this was the 'wise' thing to do in an effort to complete the task and be able to then subconsciously reward myself for a job well done. I would have thought it was fine to push myself to the edge to get it done. I would have though interrupted our dinner time and yesterday I would have actually missed out on a Harley ride with Kelly. I have in the past pushed myself to get things done and then I didn't have to 'feel bad' for not doing what I had set out to do. It was a form of self criticism that carried over from early childhood parental criticism and neither has any benefit. As I have become older and 'wiser' I am able to see the difference that a decision can make. I would have upset my own applecart so to speak yesterday if I had continued with my task at hand. I would have missed our Harley ride and I would have tried to make dinner amongst the jam process which would have been very frustrating and a dinner prepared while feeling that way will not feed your soul. I also would have been more exhausted than I already was and I was truly tired after a long, busy day. There was no need to rush the process and 'tick' it off my list of things I wanted to do yesterday. There was no need to say 'look at all the things I did today', because I still did plenty. We have these preconceived notions that we are less than ourselves if we don't get done what we set out to do. I now know that it's all ok to fall short of my plans. It's just plain ok. There is no longer that subconscious report card at the end of the day that says I did good or bad and if someone else thinks that way about me then I'm sorry for that but I'm taking care of my wellness by making that decision. It's a mind game that we play with ourselves and I will admit I have done it for too many years of my life and now I know better. Yesterday was a quick catch on my wise mind's part to tell my 'other half' that it was ok to leave it and deal with it today. So the prepped pears went into the refrigerator and off we went on the bike for a great ride in the country. Jam I can make today.

This is what I would have missed if I had chose to finish the jam.........enough said.

Make wise choices.......

Maggie

sad tears.....

I have cried many tears since hearing of the death of a former partner. We parted company a year ago and it was time for this to happen...... in fact it was long overdue. We both knew that it was. We had each moved on and my life is now filled with a newness that I have not felt in a long time. It makes me very happy where I have arrived at in life. Given all of that I have been somewhat surprised at the depth of my sadness and all the tears that I have shed over the passing of this gentleman. We didn't part company on the best of terms, but I think it is still sad when a person leaves this earth at such a young age and so quickly. It was the shock of it happening so quickly that affected me most. And much of it could have been prevented. I won't go into a long tale of what that was all about but it speaks for itself. We choose to live our lives in certain ways and we must be prepared for what the outcomes of that might be. We choose our consequences is what I am saying.

I think the tears are beginning to subside and for that I am grateful. It is so draining to feel all of this emotion for so long. I have been exhausted for days now and need to get back to my normal self. I understand that this is all a process and I have been able to talk it through with friends and family.

I know he came into my life for a reason and when we parted that reason was complete. He in fact said he knew we would not be together forever. He was wise. So, my lessons from him were spiritual ones and I will always be grateful for those gifts. They shaped who I am today and will live with me always.

This chapter is now officially closed but the lessons will live on forever.

Blessings,

Maggie

saying good-bye....

It has been a very difficult last few days. I heard last week that the man that I had lived with for many years was in hospital and then this week had passed away. This was both sad and shocking news to me. I have not been together with him for over a year and we had not maintained any contact but this was still very overwhelming to hear. I maybe had not been with him any longer but we had shared a life for many years and it's the memories that are now coming to the surface. Our paths in the beginning crossed where we worked together and it was his spiritual teachings that I enveloped myself in as we shared a life together. He was one of my most influential spiritual teachers. Our paths before we parted company were going in different directions, but I am forever grateful for the spiritual teacher that he was. I in fact told him this as we discussed our parting because I felt that it was important for him to know this.

the beach at Port Bruce yesterday

He had a habit of always going to the beach at Port Bruce, just a short drive away, early in the morning usually and would walk the length of it like a meditation. It was something that was special for him and brought him peace. He would take this time to think and be alone. Most times he would come home with several rocks in his pocket that he would have picked up on the beach and they would collect in baskets around the house. Other times driftwood found its way home so that he could make it into drumsticks to go with the drums that he would craft. Yesterday I felt I needed to go there and say my good-bye to him. I knew it was the right thing to do for myself. I drove there midday and parked the car in front of the beach. There were not many people there except for a few fishermen along the length of the pier. I was able to walk in silence and reflect on our life together. I knew him well. I knew him very well. I'm sure he knew this was coming and I'm sure he had come to accept it. He had told me many times he was not afraid to die. There is some solace in knowing that for him. My sadness is big as he leaves this earthly place with a life that to me seems unlived. But yet this was the life he chose before he even arrived here......at least that is what I believe. He provided many of us with his knowledge and spiritual guidance and I will believe that this was his path in life. It was not a life that was to be for his own good, but for ours. I wish it could have been more balanced for him but I guess not this time. Who knows what his next chapter will be.

it was always about the stones

As I walked the beach I came to stand and look over the water and all of a sudden I was surrounded by 8 or 9 bright green dragonflies. They were huge! He knew that the dragonfly is one of my power animals and I'm certain that he sent each and every one of them to encircle me. At the same time a hawk soared overhead silently. He loved watching the hawks. It was all perfect. I said thank you and turned to walk back to my car. I stopped one last time before I left the beach and looked up to the sky and offered my thanks for his gifts........and I quietly said 'good-bye'.

I know I can go there anytime and his spirit will be there.

he is in amongst the clouds

It seems surreal to me that he is no longer on this earth but I understand that his life's purpose is now complete and he is no longer needed here. If my memories will allow to come into play for a moment my wish is that if he returns to earthly form at some time I hope that it will be in the Piazza San Marco as he loved it so! He could be a musician in one of the orchestras that play each evening and that way he could spend his nights in a place that he so enjoyed. 

Blessings to you all.......

Maggie

life.......

 After having heard of a sad event that took place this week it tends to make me struggle with the fact that sometimes things that happen in life just do not seem fair. In this way life remains a mystery that we are not privy to. We always want answers or think we know the answer, but there are many things that happen that we do not have the answer to. And I trust that this is the way it is supposed to be. Not fair?? Well, we are not the one to answer that I guess. So I surrender knowing the answer to the greater power that lives among us.

Blessings,

Maggie